Living the Wisdom of Yoga in Modern Times

Does Media & The Internet Make Ashtanga Look Scary?

Today I was reading a great FAQ article from the Ashtanga Yoga Library and the author brought up a really fascinating point. Below is an excerpt:

 Mahesh, this is a really reasonable concern.  I remember when I first saw a picture of someone practicing ashtanga.  I was horrified!  I thought to myself "oh, this yoga is only for very advanced athletes who are wildly flexible and strong, etc."  It took a long time before I realized that what I was seeing in the picture was not at all what I would be expected to do in my own practice...at least not right away.

My favorite Ashtanga FAQs always include a line about how one should avoid looking at asana stuff on the internet, blogs, youtube, etc.  Often we get really enthusiastic about something and want to learn everything we can about it and so we get books, magazines, videos, etc. hoping that exposure to the information will help us get closer to that thing we are enthusiastic about.  While this is often helpful -- we do need information in order to know what to do and how to go about doing it -- it can also be very confusing and misleading.

 

The reality is that You Tube, websites & books all feature ashtangis  with perfect poses. To the average person, many full Ashtanga poses look like straight up contortionism. For instance, the biggest pose in Primary series is Supta Kurmasana which is pretty much both legs behind the head while laying on your belly. Most  websites and books show this totally daunting variation:

 

While most people's supta kurmasana looks like this  wonderful and totally doable variation:

 

From Yoga Vermont Instructor Course Blog

 

It would be so awesome to see a book or website out there that showed these poses represented in different bodies. I love Ashtanga teacher  Kino MacGregor and I would follow her around the world like a puppy if I had the money. One day I watched one of her  you tube videos where she showed this beautiful girl who was obviously gifted and a yoga pose goddess doing variations of a pose suitable for beginners. Even the beginner versions she showed were a bit too open for a beginner. In fact, the model did a horrible job impersonating a beginner. I could imagine a beginner watching and saying, "if this is a beginner,  then there is no possibility for me."  I left a comment on the video requesting that she use different body types  to make them more accessible and friendly to her viewers. Being that she probably gets about a million comments and e-mails a day, I am sure she didn't see it but wouldn't that be nice?

I was teaching Mysore last week and a  fairly new student was moving along using  a cheat sheet/practice card. I looked up and  noticed that he had  skipped  about 2 or three poses. When I brought it to his attention, he pointed to the practice card, which I think featured Ashtanga teacher David Swenson, and said, "my body does not do that and it never will so I am just skipping it". I slowly talked him off the ledge and showed him some totally cool and awesome variations that he could do and he was rather pleased with himself afterwards. 

Think about all the people, especially beginners, who look at the studio schedule and see, "Ashtanga" then go online to look it up and see this:

 

 

Ashtanga Yoga.Info

 

Here is my question to you, Lets Discus!

In an effort to provide information about Ashtanga and market it, are we actually scaring people away by only showing pictures of people doing the full version of poses?

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Ashtanga Yoga: The Mighty Ego Crusher

What We Learn From Surpassing Our Limits in Yoga

What The Hell Is "Advanced" Ashtanga?

What Is Advanced Yoga?

5 Ways Practicing Ashtanga Has Made Me a Better Yoga Teacher. ~ Jean Marie Hackett

Are You Really Trying To Tell Me What I Should Write on My Own Blog?

Over the last month or so, I have had a few people send me e-mails that they were offended by my blog. These people didn't post on my blog and welcome a discourse like most blog readers (which to me seems a bit fishy), they felt they needed to e-mail me personally and say that I needed to change my opinion or the words I use to express it.  This is funny because by definition, a blog is...well lets look at some definitions.

Merriam Webster:  a Web site that contains an online personal journal with reflections, comments, and often hyperlinks provided by the writer;

Google: 

Noun A Web site on which an individual or group of users record opinions, information, etc. on a regular basis.

Urban Dictionary (my favorite definition): A recent and disturbing trend on the internet. A blog lets people easily post comments onto a webpage. While blogs have many purposes, some of which can be useful, most people seem to use blogs as a way of having an online diary. These people have such massive egos and are so narcissistic that they believe that other people would be interested in reading their pointless ramblings. Even more disturbing is the fact that many people have such boring lives that they have nothing better to do than to read these stupid online diaries. They just feed the egos of the "bloggers" and encourage them to continue posting nonsense. Hopefully, "blogging" will turn out to be just a fad that passes quickly.

The common link in all these definitions is that it is someones or a group of someones  opinions, comments and observations about life or a particular subject. Yes, you can learn from them but the point of a blog is for the author to share what is on their mind and engage the online community in discourse. If you are lucky, you may get free stuff, make some money, have a book or movie made out of it or meet Oprah Winfrey.

In one of these e-mails, the author said that I had a responsibility to the public to clarify what I meant about a particular style of yoga. Now I know how celebrities feel when people say that they are role models for their kids and should behave accordingly. Writing, acting, painting, music and performing are art forms. They are an expression of someones heart. That is what makes them beautiful and pure. When the artist has to change it to conform to society, it is no longer art. It just becomes  like those cheap prints that you can get by the dozen from Wal-Mart. They are pretty, non offensive, and do the job but they are un original and not really art. They are paintings and pictures. Not art. Is this blog art? I don't know about all that but it comes from my heart and the only responsibility I have to my heart is to be true to it. I would rather shut this blog down all together than to just write stuff that other people feel I should write.

What makes this MY BLOG is that it is my opinions and it comes from my heart. I don't pretend to know everything about yoga and if you go back far enough in the archives, you will find that I even contradict myself. I didn't delete those because it was my opinion at the time. Also, what makes it may blog is that I pay for the hosting, the domain name and all the images on here every month with my own personal money.

It is fun to go back and forth in a healthy discourse in the comments but It is not that serious. If you totally feel that the opinions on my blog are so important that they are changing the fabric of society or yoga (if only I was that popular) than write your own blog and challenge me but please don't tell me what I should write on my own blog.

Related articles

What We Learn From Surpassing Our Limits in Yoga

Yoga Teacher Bullying

Kumare-How image and a good story can get you to guru status

 

Kumare

Kumare is a documentary about a fake Guru  that comes up with a look and a fake story to get followers from yoga studios. The ease in which he does this is not surprising.  Society is fascinated by image and

celebrity. An attractive charismatic person like Kim Kardashian, who has not made any major contributions to society, can make a sex video, sky rocket to stardom and become a household name. 

 

The conversation around image and celebrity status in the yoga community is nothing new. Yoga Journal has been blasted for only featuring pretty yogis in its pages and covers. Yoga talent agencies like YAMA have come under fire for only representing attractive teachers. YouTube is full of videos of  half naked teachers whose videos have taken them to viral status and padded pockets.

 

Even  people in pop culture are talking about it. In his song, "Tell em I Said That", Hip Hop artist T.I. warns agains fake rappers and pretty much sums up how easy it is to doop people just by story and image. 

 

Got a job started rhyming came up with a hook
Got a chain and some tats came up with a look
Went and made a hit record
Talked tough in a book

 

Kumare

Spoiler Alert! Don't read this paragraph if you want to watch the movie. Fortunately, Kumare turned out to be a decent human being.  No one was robbed blind or got caught up in a sex scandel. He actually turned out to be a good influence on his followers but everyone is not that lucky. 

 

How To Not Get Caught in the Image Trap

Look at their actions and not their words

“You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.”—Malcolm S. Forbes. How does the person treat their employees, the mailman, a stray dog on the street?

Don't take their word for it, study for yourself

Are they really saying something? Most phonies are masters at using pretty words that don't really mean anything.  "Let the truth speak through the lotus flower of your heart that shine forth like a ray of light in the wilderness". Stuff like that.

Look at their life.  It is not about perfection, however, are they striving to practice what they preach and is their life showing the fruits of their teachings?

 

 

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How To Get Over a Plateau in Your Yoga Practice

How Yoga Teachers Became Unskilled Laborers

How To Make Sure Your Teacher Training Is Not Just A Money Making Racket

Yoga teacher trainings do a lot of good. Mine was amazing. However there are people out there just looking to make a buck or to keep their yoga studio from going under.  Your well being & success was the last thing on their mind when they put it together.  They cut corners and will provide you with a sub par education and leave you $2500 in debt.  

An ugly truth about teacher trainings is that, the The Yoga Alliance is unorganized and does not check the documentation being submited. Anyone, and I mean anyone, can have a yoga teacher training. The only way you can be insured a good program is to ask the right questions. The fact that they are registered with the Yoga Alliance means NOTHING expect they are good at sending in documents & following directions.

Here are some things to consider when choosing your program.

 

1. They can only teach you to be as good as them. Take a look at their practice, their business, their classes, their studio,class attendance, their life and see if that is what you want for yourself. A student can definitely grow beyond their teacher's knowledge but these are the people who are going to give you your starting place and you need a good one.  

 You want a teacher trainer who has went through the fire and came out on top. If they are still going through the fire themselves, they cannot train you on how to get through it because they themselves do not know how. You are not looking for perfection, however, they cannot teach you anything about success if they are not successful themselves. It is like me trying to teach you how to succeffully raise a teenager, when my daughter is only eleven. It is all theory at this point. You need the facts on success not the theory.

Questions to ask:

• How many days a week do you practice? They cannot teach you anything about dedication if they themselves are not dedicated.
• How long have you practiced yoga? This is also a dedication question. 
• How long have you been a teacher? Teaching yoga is different from practicing yoga. There are people with beautiful practices that cannot teach. There are people who cannot touch their toes but they are awesome teachers.  You want to know how long have they had to hone their craft.
• What style do you practice? The teacher training is going to be heavily influenced by this style. If someone gives you two styles, say Ashtanga and Power, & it is a Power Vinyasa training, that training is going to be Vinyasa with a heavy does of Ashtanga.
• Who are your teachers/who are you influenced by? Again, this means that the training is going to be heavily influenced by these teacher's styles.

Things to see with your own eyes:

• Their practice. You are not looking for perfection but it gives you an idea of what they can teach you and what you can teach your students.  If they are an older teacher, they will have a legacy of a strong practice which would be easy to discover by talking to the teacher's students. 
• Them teach a class or several-They are going to train you to teach like them. If you don't like their teaching style, choose someone else. If you like their style but it is not one you are interested in teaching, then choose another training.
•  How they run their business-They are teaching you about success. If their staff  is disgruntled, they have a high turnover, the studio is close to closing their doors every 6 months, policies are inconsistent, or the studio just feels icky when you walk in, don't study with them. If they don't have a studio of their own, ask them why.  If their answer hints at the fact that they are running from something, was unsuccessful at having a career in studios, their yoga is very obscure and unmarketable than seriously think about how they can help you be successful. They probably can't.   Many people chose not to work in studios because they want to be their own boss, they love traveling, or they don't want studio overhead.  Those are good answers.
• Class attendance- I understand there are a lot of obscure yoga teachers out there with a hand full of students who will change your life.  If you practice with that person, you should train with them because you obviously click with them. If you are choosing a teacher training & you are not currently working with a teacher who gives them, you have to look for obvious outward signs of success. A full class does not mean that the person is an awesome teacher, this only tells you that the person understands how to draw students in and keep them interested. That is a valuable skill to learn.

2. Make sure the style of yoga they teach is what you want to teach. You will be behind the 8 ball if you study Bikram and then work at a Vinyasa studio. 

3.  Talk to people who have trained in the program. Don't get a recommendation from them They are going to give you their friends name or the teacher's pet. If you don't know of anyone, go to the Yoga Alliance website, do a search for your city or the city the teacher training is in and then contact the teachers and ask them about their teacher training. When you talk to them, you want to ask:

• Did you feel prepared to teach a yoga class the day you were done? You will be amazed at how many teacher trainings don't actually train you how to teach.  One of the newest rackets is making people take an additional workshop to teach them about sequencing or having a second stage of the training to actually get permission to use the name of the yoga style. If you don't ask the right questions, you won't know this until the end because they purposely wait until then to tell you.  You should be able to teach a full all levels yoga class the next day.
• Did they teach you about the business side of yoga enough to get started the day you were done? People who don't do this, are avoiding something. Either they had bad experiences in the yoga industry or they have no clue how to run a successful yoga business. Either way, you shouldn't take trainings with them because they cannot teach you how to be successful.
• Were the leaders trustworthy?
• Did it do what it said it would? If the training promises to train you on the Gita, Sutras and the Vedas, then it should do that.
• Were they organized? If they teacher training program was thrown together at the last minute, it will often be totally unorganized. The trainer will change gears often. Steer clear of this training.
• If the training included adjusting, did you feel prepared to adjust the day you were done? If adjusting is important to you, you should have the tools to do it.
• Was it worth what they charged?

4. Make sure the teacher training actually has the authority to certify you in that style. Many forms of yoga like Bikram, Baptiste, Iyengar,  Ashtanga,& Para to name a few, have a very systematized way of training and they only give a few schools/people permission to certify teachers. Some schools, like Asthanga, do not give anyone permission to certify at all.  You have to go straight to the source.  

This is important because, for example,  if you do a Baptiste training that has not been recognized by the Baptiste organization as a training school,  you can not teach in a real Baptiste Power Yoga Studio & you also cannot use the Baptiste name. If Baptiste is where your heart is and you know this is what you want to do, you wasted $2500 because you will have to train again with the Baptiste organization and pay another $2500. The best way to check this is to go to the official website or give the organization a call.

5.  Is it Marketable- You don't want to spend $2500 for yoga that you cannot use. For example, the most popular style of yoga in my town of Charlotte is Vinyasa. If I take a training in Integral Yoga, for example, I will not be very marketable here. If I wanted to blaze a path for Integral yoga and was willing to start small with very few students and potentially open up my own yoga studio, that training would be fine. If I wanted to walk into a Charlotte studio and have a job by next week, that would not be the training to take.

6. You cannot learn how to teach yoga on the internet-If you have questions about this, send me an e-mail. Just trust me. You can't. Run from anyone who says that you can. Run really really fast.

Video of the day:

 

Why Becoming A Better Version of Yourself Is Not Always Good

I often hear that yoga will make you a better version of yourself. This is supposed to be positive but is becoming a better bitch, jerk,womanizer, racist etc a good thing? 

The part that gets "better"  &  stronger is usually the ego. All our roles and titles are a part of an image that we have built for ourselves called the ego.  The screen on which the ego's movie is played is consciousness.  Consciousness does not get better or worse. It is what is hidden behind the self imposed roles & titles we have picked up. The real you watches all.  The purpose of yoga is to still the mind enough to make us aware of pure consciousness.

When we came into this existence, we essentially agreed to play dress up.  When a child plays pretend, they put on a pointy black hat and become a witch then a few minutes later they change into a pink poofy dress & becomes  a princess. The roles we choose and our self image are a sophisticated version of this game.   Branding ourselves like Oprah Winfrey or taking on the title of teacher, mother, bitch or jerk, opens us up to different opportunities and experiences.  Role playing is a fun, exciting, &  enjoyable part of human experience. It is how we play with life here on earth. It only becomes an issue when the game of pretend gets so complex and vivid that we soon forget that it is not real & that the princess costume can actually come off.

When a person is fully connected to their ego, they don't see the separation between the hand moving the chess pieces and the chess pieces themselves. They can only relate to their body and the roles. So when they become a better version of something, it is a better version of what they believe themselves to be which may not necessarily be good.

Yoga teaches us that who we think we are doesn't matter. Everyone is pure consciousness. Some people refer to it as the energy that cannot be destroyed. Some say the soul. Some say the God within us. If we can reconnect to the pure consiousness, all the roles that are destructive to ourselves and others will fall away. Our past no longer binds us and the future no longer concerns us. We can play dress up freely while knowing that it is not truly us and we can take off the custom with no fear of what is underneath.

 

Video of the Day

 

Ashtanga is Not an All or Nothing Practice

I recently had the pleasure of practicing with authorized Ashtanga teacher David Keil, and the most profound thing he said was , "It is not all or nothing".  Whenever I mention my love affair with Ashtanga, the following statements start to roll from people's mouths:

I cannot practice Ashtanga because I cannot do:

• Jump Backs
• Jump Throuhs
• Binds
• Chataraungas
• Marichyasana
• Lotus

I cannot practice Ashtanga because:

• I have short arms
• I have tight hips
• That is for flexible people
• I don't have the correct body type
• I don't know the sequence
• It is only for advanced practitioners

Because they have created a story around one issue, the baby gets thrown out with the bath water. 
Even during his workshop, I overheard people saying, "I would practice Ashtanga if the teachers in Charlotte would break it down this way." These same people skipped all of the practices and only came for the afternoon skills workshops. Again... all or nothing.

The myth is that Ashtanga yoga is a rigid system but the reality is that it is highly customizable. While the sequences  and the poses therein or set, there is room to customize each pose to fit an individual's body and needs. The myth originates in the proliferation of led or guided Ashtanga classes in the West.  Traditional led classes were never meant for newbies. Mysore style, where a student is  taught the sequence pose by pose, is the primary way of practice and is where newbies should start.

Ashtantaga is a Vinyasa system that links poses with breath in a way that is more precise then the average Vinyasa class. A led class is all about learning how to move on the breath using Ashtanga's traditional counting system.  If the instructor constantly stops to break down poses and give instruction, the rhythm of vinyasa is lost. Unlike many vinyasa systems such as Baptiste Power Yoga where the poses are fairly simple and need very little explanation, Ashtanga is not.  Even non-traditional teachers give very little instruction because it would just be too confusing to the students. Also, if a student needs that much instruction, it is possible that they should not be performing the full version of the pose anyway. So many students who are unaware of Mysore style practice,  leave class feeling like, since they cannot do the poses, they shouldn't do Ashtanga. All or nothing.

What do you do if your yoga studio only has a Led class or if Led is what fits your schedule?  Listen to the teachers cues and do not go any further into poses that you don't feel comfortable with. Talk to the teacher after class about ways to make the poses accessible to you. Even better, schedule a private with the instructor and go over specific poses so you know what to do during the Led practice.

PS: Customizable does not mean changing the poses, leaving the poses out or modifying to the point that they are unrecognizable. Please consult with an Ashtanga teacher that you trust to figure out what would work the best for you.

PSS: If after reading this article you are still falling back on the excuses mentioned above, you should check in with your ego.

Bonus: "I don't know the sequence." Of course you don't know the sequence.  The teacher is there to teach it to you!!!!! Please, put that excuse to rest.

 Video of th Day

 

 

The Universe is Giving You Signals But Are You Listening?

"As long as you think that the cause of your problem is 'out there' —as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering—the situation is hopeless. It means that you are forever in the role of victim, that you’re suffering in paradise." ~Byron Katie 

 

The path of self destruction is self laid one brick at a time.  Every decision we make leads up to NOW. When the life we are creating doesn't match up to the life we want, signs arise in the form of problems.  If ignored, the problems get bigger and bigger. If the root cause is weeded out, they subside.

The first step to changing our lives is to take total responsibility for it. As long as blame is placed elsewhere, we give up control. Without control, their is no change, only reaction. Even if we react positively, the same problems will continue to arise. By accepting responsibility, we can end the problem all together. For change to happen in our lives, we have to first have change in our minds. We have to believe that what we want is possible and strive for it. We can't take no for an answer. We must be vigilant in clearing our minds of thoughts and our lives of people and situations that don't serve our vision. You are meant to be happy, at peace and abundant!!!  Don't wait for life to happen, create it now!

Train yourself to notice the small signals now. Don't let a warning from your boss turn into walking papers. Don't let shortness of breath turn into a full blown heart attack. Life first throws a pebble, then a brick and then a mountain lands on us. Don't wait for the mountain!!!  Often we can't let things go until we have no choice. I was recently speaking with a yoga teacher friend who wanted to let go of some classes to simplify her life but she loved the classes.  Her life was throwing pebbles letting her know she was doing too much.  However, instead of leaving on a high note with love in her heart for her students and job, she was waiting for the brick.

 Sustainable peace in our lives happen when we don't wait for the brick. We make changes while things are still good. This goes against most people's modes of thinking because "why fix what isn't broken?" However,the realty is that everything starts in the mind. The seed of discontent has been planted so your situation is not going to go anywhere but down. Why wait for that?

Video of the day: Ashtanga Yoga w/a broken leg

 

Are You On the Way To Yoga Burnout or Yoga Enlightenment?

The popularity of  Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga, Power Yoga, and  Hot Yoga are at an all time high.  These styles use vigorous and powerful  sequences to impart health to the body as well as the mind. They bring peace and well being to practitioners helping them to be a better person and live a more fulfilled life.   Because they provide such a great physical workout, many people approach them like a gym aerobics class and rely on brut strength and will power to move them through the practice resulting in an overly aggressive yoga practice that looses steam really fast and is not sustainable.  Practicing without incorporating the more subtle concepts of yoga such  as breath,non-harming, focus and non attachment, opens the door for stress, injury, ill health and an uneasy mind. Essentially you cultivate all the traits that you were trying to use yoga to cure.

 Look at the list below and see where you fit in. Are you on the road to burn out or enlightenment?

 Gym Mentality                                             Yoga Mentality

Barely Breathe                                                                  Deeply Breathe        

In the mind throughout practice                              Practice takes you out of the mind

Obsessed with attaining poses                                    Enjoys learning new poses

Labels practices "bad" or "good"                               Sees all practices as good

Compares themselves to others                                Focused on themselves

Always seeking more intensity                                   Time & place for everything

Sweat is generated from external heat                   Sweat is generated from internal heat

Snaps into poses                                                              Moves with breath into poses

Only uses mirror for alignment                                 Knows how poses feel in the body

Stares at themselves in mirror                                   Uses Dristhi(gaze points)

Mat has to be in same place or miffed                    Cool with whatever spot they can get        

Does advanced poses to show off                            Poses for their benefits and fun

Judges others practices                                                Non judgemental

Has to be in the studio in crowd                               Has friends but not about popularity

Compares current practice to previous               Practices from the present moment

Pushes through pain                                                     Pays attention to pain  

Breaks are a sign of weakness                                    Breaks when needed

Constantly seeking short cuts                                    Slow and steady wins the race

Worships those with "advanced" practices          Every body's human

Searching for Yoga body  for vanity                       Understands the effect of weight on health

Expects teachers to look a certain way                 Value teacher for what they teach    

Sequencing should be for intensity                         Sequence focused on well being

Leave class feeling broke down                                 Leave class feeling energized

Has a post yoga recovery ritual                                Feel good when you leave

Has to dress a certain way                                          May like clothes but not there to be seen

Hates anything spiritual                                             Open to other aspects of yoga

Depends on their teacher                                           Understand their own body

Can't stand silence                                                        Loves it

Can't be still                                                                     Strives to be still

Wants something for free                                         Understands the value of yoga

Pushes into poses                                                         Breathes into poses

 Only sees yoga as a workout                                   Total Body wellness system

Chooses studios based on popularity                   Chooses based on what they have to offer

Pushes through poses  using muscles                    Moves from the core and breath

 

 Video of the day: Yoga as a spiritual practice

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hot Yoga: How Hot is Too Hot?

I have been practicing yoga for about 10 years now and I notice that what was hot then is not hot now. 85 degrees was hot. Then it moved up to 90. Then to 95 degrees.  Now there are studios that have temperatures between 105-110.  People are getting used to the heat and are requesting even higher temperatures.  So even if the room is heated to 99 degrees,heaters are being brought in to get it even hotter.   How Hot is too Hot?

The two innovators in Hot Yoga are Bikram Chodhury and Baron Baptiste. Both claim that Hot Yoga flushes out toxins and warms up the muscles so that injury is prevented. Bikram rooms are heated to 105 degrees and the poses are fairly simple and repeated twice. In Journey Into Power, written by Baron Baptiste, he recommends that the room be heated to 90 degrees and many of the Baptiste affiliate studios are heated to 95 degrees. Though his sequence is  more complicated then Bikram's, it is still accessible to all levels and allows for more innovation.

Some people try to use Ashtanga as  a model for hot yoga. They say that Mysore India is hot so this justifies that yoga should be done in warmer temperatures. The reality is that in Mysore, practicing in the hottest parts of the day are avoided.  Sessions are conducted  early in the morning and late in the afternoon when the sun is at its coolest.  To the Ashtanga research institute, there is definitely an understanding of when hot is to hot. 

Is their a point where it has gone beyond therapeutic and into extremism? Is this based on the individual? How Hot is Too Hot? I would love to hear from you!

 

 

Video of the Day:  Self & Mind 

 

 

A Yogi's Response To Hurt

Our first response after pain is often to shut down. Our wide open hearts have been trampled and it seems that iron bars are a necessary protection against further damage. We spent days, months, years giving, giving, giving while others were taking, taking, taking. We soon discover that what we gave just wasn't enough. It wasn't enough for them to totally accept us into their hearts or to believe in our potential. We don't want that to happen again, so we shut down.  Who does this response benefit?

The brick wall we erect, not only blocks out the beasties, but also ruins our view. The sun cannot shine through it. The Good cannot open it. We block off all possibilities hoping that we are smart enough to know when to take down a brick and let someone or something in. But how can we be? All our future experiences are now colored by the pain that we refuse to let go of and we no longer see clearly.  How do we get off this roller coaster?

The reality is that everything we perceive starts within and is subject to our labeling. Things we find inconvenient to our current reality is "bad". Rain at a picnic=bad. Red light when we are late=bad. Sickness=bad. However, from another perspective, all of these are good. Without rain, there would be no life. The person who got the Green light while you were at red is ecstatic.  Doctors would go out of business if no one was ever sick.

It is the same for the situation that brought us pain. Though hard to hear, someone or something else actually benefited from it.  Shutting down doesn't change the fact that there is a flip side to every situation. The roller coaster stops not when we realize this concept but when we internalize it.  We have to choose which side we will respond to and use for growth.  There is no good vs evil. Me vs them. Love vs Hate. They are all just flip sides to the same quarter. What side of the quarter will you focus on? Can you take the bounce to the other side and get back on your feet?

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